


you can't have your sweater back

by lionheart8



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: Dead Jason Grace, F/M, Gen, Post-The Burning Maze (Trials of Apollo), and how they cope with it, their thoughts after Jason's death basically
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:01:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26343820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lionheart8/pseuds/lionheart8
Summary: basically about how piper, leo, annabeth and percy deal with jason's death. it's a rundown of their thoughts months after and how they feel differently about it, all the pain and the anger.as Richard Siken said, "I don’t really blame your for being dead but you can’t have your sweater back.”
Relationships: Annabeth Chase & Jason Grace, Annabeth Chase/Percy Jackson, Jason Grace & Leo Valdez, Jason Grace & Percy Jackson, Jason Grace/Piper McLean
Comments: 2
Kudos: 55





	you can't have your sweater back

**Author's Note:**

> Wow so this is my first fic in this fandom. Actually I have been in the fandom since like 2011 but I was 12 then and I didn't know about fanfics etc. I never fell apart from PJO but since the pandemic I have felt more closer, reading the books again. 
> 
> And so I was inspired to write this because it's been two years but I still feel too much about Jason's death. It really hit me out of nowhere and it's so tragic and just so sad. I was curious to explore the thoughts of these four specifically. 
> 
> This is set about a year after Jason's death and they all come upon a reminder of him. 
> 
> Hope you like it and let me know what you think!
> 
> (title from a Richard Siken poem that goes, "I don’t really blame your for being dead but you can’t have your sweater back.” and honestly ever since i read it i wanted to write a fic inspired by it and here we go.)

Whoever said that time will heal everything lied. 

Sure, their nightmares have significantly decreased. Almost all of them were having nights, even consecutively, where they slept like a log. Their guilts, the survivor guilts have somehow faded. Most times it feels as though they are genuinely enjoying life like any other normal person. They have things to look forward to whether it is future plans or just coffee dates with people. 

But no, time does not heal everything. Old memories always creeps back. That’s the thing, you cannot push something deep in your mind where it just disappears. At most you can make it hide out really well. 

**_For Piper it started with a sweatshirt buried deep in her closet._ **

It had been just over a year since Jason died. She was better now. She spent her time hanging with others, especially Leo (and Calypso), and her dad. They helped distract her but also made her feel like she was still holding onto Jason. It was a good balance. 

Honestly, Piper even forgot she had this sweatshirt. It was right after the war when they were spending a lot of time at the camp. One night, Piper and Jason were walking around and Piper felt chilly. Jason, obviously, noticed. Normally, he would make the air hotter or use his son-of-Jupiter powers but maybe he wanted them to be like regular teens for once.

The purple, of course purple, sweatshirt was thrown into the back of the closet. It probably hadn’t been washed since then because it smelled exactly like him. Maybe it is me, Piper thought. Maybe she just wanted to think it smelled like him so that it would feel like he was still here, like he wore that just yesterday.

Piper might have broken up with him but it didn’t mean that she didn’t love him. She was just confused because they started everything so weirdly. Piper felt out of place in the relationship. Sometimes she felt she was alone not because Jason did anything but because she would remember things about them that Jason didn’t. Then, she would have to face the fact that some of her memories were fake over and over again.

Still, he was always going to be her first love. The first boy that ever loved her like that. Her best friend. Even if they were broken up he was going to be alive, living somewhere on the world, laughing with other friends. Knowing that was going to be enough for her.

And so, Piper crawled into her bed and hugged the purple sweatshirt like she was hugging _him_ and cried her eyes out. At least she had the sweatshirt. 

**_For Annabeth it was a photograph that fell out of a book._ **

More than the grief itself Annabeth hated the feeling of wishing she knew Jason better. She knew him, yes. They fought side by side, yes. Still, it didn’t stop her from thinking that she didn’t knew who Jason was deep down. And, she hated that Jason proved to them who he was by literally dying. 

He wasn’t like her or like Percy. They would curse out the Gods for everything they brought on them but not Jason. Probably not even after he died and went to Elysium — she hoped so. 

One night, Annabeth was going through her herd of architecture books for some new project. She picked up a book she hadn't looked at for a long time. Her hair in a messy bun, a pencil between her teeth; she opened up the book and something fell down. She didn’t even register what it was until she picked it up and turned it around. 

Some time after the war Rachel had a phase where she was obsessed with polaroid cameras. She had all different kinds of them — the new plastic ones and the second hand ones from 80s. This was a picture from that time. Annbeth was sitting on the grass with Percy, Piper, Jason, Frank and Hazel with Will on the side pulling Nicco into the frame. For somebody that didn’t know they looked like regular teenagers. 

Annabeth closed her book and set it on the table with her pencil going next to it. She stared at the picture for an unnatural amount of time. She always tried to stay away from pictures that had Luke or Beckendorf or Silena or anybody that died around them. It felt weird seeing them frozen in time. Now, Jason too. What made it worse was that this was probably one of the last picture she had with him. So Jasonw as frozen exactly like this. Forever.

Then Annabeth hid the polaroid inside another book and tried to make herself forget which one. Maybe someday she would have enough strength to put it onto the wall or in a frame. 

**_For Leo it was just a story._ **

Leo loved his friends and he knew grief wasn’t a pissing contest but he felt like he picked the short straw. It’s just that Jason didn’t even see him. They didn’t even get to reunite and exchange stories and he didn’t even meet Calypso. Jason was, is still, his best friend and he missed so much of Leo’s life before even dying. 

Call him naive all you want but Leo didn’t actually believe any of them was going to die. He thought they would at least make it to 20 or something. They were the heroes, right? The heroes of Olympus. Certainly not Jason dying. He was THE hero after all. Since when heroes died? Okay, well, they died a lot in the myths (he didn’t know if he should keep calling them myths because they actually happened) but in pop culture they didn’t die. Harry Potter was alive and so was Katniss and so was Bella and Edward.

He was in the middle of telling a story to Calypso when he suddenly stopped. Calypso kept looking at him probably thinking he stopped because it was a part of the story but it wasn’t. The story was about something stupid that happened on Argo II. How Festus tried burning up all their clothes one day and how him and Frank had to almost walk around in their underwear. Leo stopped because he was about to mention Jason and how he stole Jason’s clothes. 

Mentioning Jason hurt. Not having Jason to tell jokes to hurt. Talking to Piper hurt a lot too but Leo was sticking to his best friend duties and hanging with her, talking with her over the phone all the time. He knew it helped Piper — that the two of them were there for each other. For Leo though, it made him notice the physical gap between them even more.

Calypso asked "What happened next?” with a big smile and Leo had no choice but to continue. So, he finished the story and Calypso laughed and Leo laughed. He laughed too much, in Jason’s place too. 

**_For Percy it ended with a question._ **

If Percy was angry at the Gods before, Jason’s death only increased it. Jason gave as much as him to the Gods and to their fights and to their games. He went through two wars just like him; had his memories erased just like him. Jason was supposed to live out the rest of his life free from all this. He should have been free from the hero’s tragedy. 

(The power of names, Percy thought. Maybe if Jason had a different name he would still be alive.)

Instead he got a phone call from Grover telling him that Jason Grace had died. Gods, how much Percy wished Jason was a bit more like him… If Jason refused to take part in another quest, in another game of Gods like Percy did he could still be alive. If Jason had a little bit of Greekness in him and he didn’t so willingly take on the role of the hero maybe he would still be alive. If he wasn’t so mad at the Gods maybe Percy would be mad at Jason for dying and being so stupid. 

(Later Percy learned that just like he tried to make the big prophecy about him, not letting it be about Nicco, Jason tried to make the Dark Prophecy about him as well. He died so Piper wouldn’t. It felt too familiar. Percy falling to Tartarus with Annabeth, suggesting he stay back to close the doors. They were so alike yet so apart.)

Percy was giving a swords lesson to the youngsters at the camp one day. The new generation, as he liked to call, seemed to catch up everything too quickly. One of the newcomers, a son of Athena, who had been there for like a month came up to him.

“Percy, who is Jason Grace?” the boy asked with big curious eyes. 

Jason was long dead when the boy came to the camp.

“Where did you hear that name from?” Percy asked twirling the pen shape of Riptide in his hand.

“They were talking about a sword technique Jason taught them.” the boy said pointing at the two girls sword practicing. 

“Jason Grace…” Percy paused for a second then continued. “…is a hero. Do you want to hear his story?” Percy asked with a smile and the boy jumped next to him happily. 

And for the first time while thinking about and talking about Jason, Percy didn’t feel so angry. He died to save Piper on a quest he chose to go because no matter what Jason would do right thing. Percy would keep cursing the Gods, that was given, but today he just smiled and told a story of an amazing person to some kid.

Jason didn’t feel so dead then. 

Annabeth saw them talking and waved over with a smile as she walked over to them. Percy thought about all the stories he had collected of all the amazing people that he would maybe tell to their kids one day. Bianca and Zoe and Beckendorf and Silena and Luke…and Jason. Their kids were going to have infinite amount of bedtime stories. 

Later when he told this to Annabeth she almost cried and she hanged up a picture of the seven in front of her desk. 

And a few days later the six was at the camp laughing and living — a part of that was for Jason. 

**Author's Note:**

> hope you liked it and hope i was able to stay in character! 
> 
> it's just that i imagine each one reacting to this differently because they are all so different. i wanted to approach the subject from a more person by person perspective. personally leo broke my heart the most...
> 
> i didn't read trials of apollo so there might be mistakes in canon. 
> 
> let me know what you think about it!
> 
> and you can talk to me on my tumblr : @jon-astronaut


End file.
